Deeper Reflection
The bounty of right action lies beyond our sense of identity and memories
As humans we are born with an inherent drive to keep progressing. An infant wants to roll over, move from one place to another, sit up, stand, and on and on. Progress or growth is a natural inclination.
When a human experiences a threat or discomfort, they move away. When the human experiences pleasure, they move toward. That is pretty simple and self explanatory. We dislike pain and we like pleasure.
In addition to growth, humans look to other humans for connection, at least in the beginning. There is a sense of safety in numbers. There is a desire to communicate, to understand the world around them by understanding the people around them.
As we grow and move through the world, the brain catalogues experiences. We get better at fine motor skills, like brushing our teeth, through the repetition of the skill because the muscles develop better control over the required contractions to be able to execute the skill with success the more the child practices the skill. Gradually, you don’t even think about what you are doing when brushing your teeth, because the muscle remembers what to do.
We also develop responses to experiences that we deemed good and bad that become habitual and those responses happen whether we are conscious of it or not. The Yoga model of mind, as illustrated below, demonstrates that sensory information comes into our awareness and if there is a threat, the amygdala (a small reptilian part of the brain) takes over and we react to protect this human sack we call a body.
If there is no threat, the information is processed through both our sense of who we are, or our ego self, and through our memories, to determine an appropriate response. The memories that are more powerful will be sorted through first just as our identities with the greatest hold on us will be sorted first. Armed with information about who we see ourselves as and historical reference, the response will be determined and the action occurs.
Responses that come from our sense of identity and memories are more reactionary responses. If we pause, reflect on our values and who we wish to become, the response is a higher level response. The goal of most therapies is to increase the pause before the reaction and insert deeper reflection.
In a world where the ground feels like it is being shaken and stirred continuously, there is a more reactive nature to our responses because of the amygdala. As a yoga teacher through pre Covid, I would settle students into a state of deep relaxation and witness the steadying of emotional reactivity. During Covid, it was much harder to create that sense of non reactivity, steadiness.
I began planning a hiking adventure with a friend. They recommended a particular route covering sixty kilometres, and three days of hiking, two nights of tenting. As I started to plan logistically to accomplish this feat, I heard this little niggling voice that said, “we could tell them we are too busy to do that weekend.” Then the little voice thought, “we can do this and it will be all over in six weeks." This got my attention, but not enough to make me pause the training plan. During a training hike, thinking about this plan, it came to me. I really don’t want to do this hike. Hmmm.
Time to reflect more deeply on what it was that was driving me to say yes to something I know in my gut I am not looking forward to. Then I saw the deep seated reactive pattern to hold up my identity of being someone who doesn’t rock the boat. Trying to be someone who goes along and gets along, I reactively said yes to everything, rather than saying what I really wanted.
Agitation and discomfort would come up when thinking about preparing for this adventure - not excitement. Frustration and this intensity - fierceness would arise, not a sense of enjoyment or happiness. These emotions are the clues that pushed me to reflect on the following questions:
What am I hoping to achieve with this adventure?
What will I achieve?
In answer to the first question I realized I am hoping for connection with myself and one other person, doing something healthy and enjoyable - fun. In answer to the second question, I thought, “I will achieve a big hike, carrying a heavy pack and sleeping uncomfortably.”
Guess it is time to have a discussion with my friend.